so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
