i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
