Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
