I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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