Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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