If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
handjob tips. give me some.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
