Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
