oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
