All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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