i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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