what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
