"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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