in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
