i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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