and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
