Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
