So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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