Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
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Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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