No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
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There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
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So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
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