You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
