matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
