dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
