I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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