STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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