I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
