Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
