bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
