I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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