my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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