do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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