I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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