i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
