I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
