Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
