I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
