Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
