that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
