i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
