Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
