how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
