both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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