I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
