I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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