Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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