Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
