Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We need a shit load of segways right now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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