Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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