Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
