is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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