they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
