I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
