Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
