You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
