He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
