You surviving the open bar?
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I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She bit a glass in half.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
