i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
