while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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