Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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