Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
