I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
