Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
a search helicopter?!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
