So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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