Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
