apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
