WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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