It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
