CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
