just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
