Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
my liver is dry heaving
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