I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
