I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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