if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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