Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize