he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
