Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
