do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
