yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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