i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
and you fell through a lawn chair
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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