Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
