So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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