I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
