Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
