next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
zippers are such a cool invention
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
