He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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