Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize