Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
