dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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