i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
