I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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