make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
