I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
