The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
